Unraveling The Knot Of Self-Doubt
Richmond photographer and visual artist Caroline Frye discusses her journey from non-artist to business owner and the importance of persistence in spite of judgement and denial.
By Tom Jakob | 1/31/24
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(PHOTO courtesy of Caroline Frye)
On a cold January morning...
Caroline Frye sits in a metal wire seat that has been freshly wiped of the morning frost with paper towels taken from the bathroom at Lift Coffee Shop on Broad Street. The young photographer, already seasoned by countless harsher engagements, nevertheless shivers a bit as the wind stumbles in and out of the alleyway that leads to the shop’s rear patio. Clutching a cup of coffee to keep her gloveless hands warm, she snaps to attention with the asking of a question about a former workplace.
“Probably one of the hardest things I ever heard was from one of my subordinates at work that I considered a good friend,” Caroline says. “They said, ‘Well, you shouldn't be the supervisor, you're not an artist.’ And I was like, ‘Excuse me? Like… what? What makes you feel that way?’”
Caroline’s face, previously white from the frigid air, gradually becomes more red as the blood begins to rush back to it. She sits upright in her chair and places the coffee down on the table only to immediately pick it back up again.
Up until this point in the interview, Caroline has spoken with modesty, fondness, and a healthy dose of self-deprecation regarding her journey from non-artist to successful photography business owner.
But now Caroline’s retelling of that journey is suddenly not so jocose. She is so clearly focused on discussing the interlocking pieces that go towards and are created by self-love that it almost bursts out of her.
“A lot of what I struggled with back then was needing everything I created to mean something,” Caroline says. “But it doesn't. And when you start to just do it because you enjoy it, then that kind of unravels into you realizing you are an artist.”
For some people, the right to assume the title of an artist is given to them even before birth because of the great privileges they are born into. But for most others, it is something that remains unclear for a long time until enough experiences happen to present the revelation. Caroline’s story is very much the latter, if not especially interesting, and thus study-worthy, because of its many gripping twists.
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(PHOTO courtesy of Caroline Frye)
A suburban upbringing in Richmond is where it began for Caroline as the only child of two loving parents. It was Caroline’s mother who planted the first and most crucial seed in her journey to calling herself an artist.
“I've always really loved video and taking pictures, but it was mostly just out of trying to remember and document my life,” Caroline says. “My mom was really into documenting everything that I did when I was young, so it just felt normal to keep doing that. After my father passed away when I was 11, the pictures were so much more meaningful and I was grateful I had them.”
But to Caroline and her family, documenting was nothing more than a hobby, and things remained that way for many years. It wasn't until high school, in a photography class, that things became a lot more technical and Caroline’s skills expanded. It also grew her interest and enjoyment of the practice, leading her to develop her skill set outside of the classroom. She’d set up and direct photo and video shoots with other kids in her neighborhood, cranking out short films and music videos on summer afternoons, which would forever live on long-lost hard drives and private YouTube playlists.
“I’d do music videos anytime I had a project for school that I could turn into a multimedia thing,” Caroline says. “I wasn’t seeing it as a career option, though. I was just thinking, ‘Oh, let me make this project fun, so it will feel like less work,’ even though it was always more work.”
She wasn’t seeing the pieces fit with one another. Yet, some sense of this deeper desire, trapped inside, was trying to get her attention. She was surrounded by many artistically inclined individuals towards the end of high school and was a member of a rock band that performed at some popular venues around Richmond. All the while, she still did not feel like she could call herself an artist. Many of her peers weren’t supportive or could be judgemental, making it harder to find the confidence to create.
“I always felt like I was the outsider,” Caroline says. “I was hanging around all these people that claimed to be artists and I admired their work but I didn’t ever think I was good enough or deserved that title. I didn’t know what I was really capable of doing.”
And if that were not enough for the fledgling adult, graduation was fast approaching. As it does for all high school seniors, the world demanded Caroline start calling herself something.
She chose to attend Virginia Commonwealth University after being accepted into their criminal justice program. To try to achieve her creative desires, Caroline applied to VCUarts to add a double major in the Photography+Film program. But, about mid-way through the year, she was denied.
“I went through so many different obstacles,” Caroline says. “I was trying to figure out who I was, what types of people I was hanging out with, and if they were actually beneficial to my life. I had a rough transition into college and getting denied crushed me, so I put down my camera for a long time after that.”
The COVID-19 Pandemic happened right as she was looking down the barrel of graduation once more. Like many people, the Lockdown gave Caroline a time of reflection, which was first spent regressing by playing endless hours of Animal Crossing and later spent rapidly progressing into the person she wanted to be.
Caroline began feeling an indistinct urge to create stir up inside again. The streets were empty most days, first for social distancing and later out of fear of being arrested for walking to Seven-Eleven after the city had been through a summer of intense protests against police violence. She had watched countless human dramas and tragedies unfold on those streets through the photos and videos shared on social media, reverberated through news highlights by CBS6 and other local broadcast stations. She had even been one of the people seeking and telling those stories. And so a few weeks into the summer, she realized the universe was beckoning her. When the universe speaks, one is foolish not to listen.
And so the unraveling truly began with documenting Covid, portraits for friends and couples, and experimenting with creative ideas. But pursuing photography also meant undergoing the simultaneous growing pains of post-grad life, which were already fierce before a global economy-halting health crisis. Still not convinced of calling herself an artist though, Caroline continued down a path of government and law.
“I was still on this path of doing government work or becoming a lawyer, but the biggest thing I knew I needed was health insurance. I was only looking at photography as a side-hustle,” Caroline says.
That’s when Caroline was encouraged to apply to a friend’s workplace with benefits: as correctional officer for the Virginia Correctional Center for Women.
“At first, I was like, ‘Fuck, yeah! I'll do that,’ because I'm very much someone who is always looking for an experience, even if it's a bad experience.” Caroline says “It was hell working there. I just watched these people kind of deteriorate and not get their basic needs met. And just seeing some of the staff so apathetic, that’s what made me leave.”
Disturbed and crestfallen after almost a year on the job, Caroline knew she had to do something creative to fulfill her life. She soon landed a job as the retouching supervisor at Richmond Professional Lab, a photo printing company. The job’s main focus was editing school yearbook photos, where an above-average knowledge of Photoshop was required to remove anything from acne to glare in glasses.
“I think that's really what kicked everything off. I finally started to connect with a lot of other artists and photographers and I started seeing all of the potential there could be,” Caroline says. “I got to hire people to come into our team and we all connected through supporting, encouraging, and sharing each other's art. It was the coolest experience of my life connecting with my coworkers on this level.”
But even still, one coworker felt differently, saying that she was not qualified to be in her position because she wasn’t an artist.
“It stung to hear it when the whole time in this industry you’re doubting yourself,” Caroline says. But I was in too deep to back out now. I loved doing it too much and I was constantly seeing improvement.”
Eventually, this led to her first breakthrough into wider acclaim by working with friend and director Helene Leichter on the performance titled “The Sculpting of the Veiled Lady,” a choreographed dance with a corresponding film projected in the background. The project was accepted and showcased at the 2022 Richmond Dance Festival and RVA Collective Group.
“That year I was also asked by a friend to shoot their micro-wedding,” Caroline says. “It felt like it was a natural progression since people were noticing my work on social media and my business was growing. I felt more confident in my ability from doing a lot of portrait and couple shoots, but I was so nervous and did a lot of preparation.”
Wedding photography is a competitive industry. It’s hard to break into. But once a photographer has a small portfolio of work and a website, the inquiries will come if they continue to network and put themselves out there. Being good at the job itself, however, requires being both attentive and flexible. It also means having the right gear, like a second camera, a variety of lenses for different settings and angles, and an excess of backup batteries and SD cards.
“There can be a lot of pressure, so it’s great to shadow or second shoot for another photographer so that you can get a feel for how the day will go,” Caroline says. “All weddings have their uniqueness but overall, they usually have the same list of events so getting used to that timeline makes it easier to predict capture-worthy moments.”
Even with the pressure and hard work of weddings, Caroline assures that it’s worth it.
“Being in a place where there is so much joyful emotion from the newlyweds, their family, and friends… capturing that is basically a field day and having them love the photos afterward is so rewarding,” Caroline says.
Although she didn’t pursue more weddings until a few years later, that didn’t stop her from branching out into something she’d always loved – the music and fashion industry. Caroline began volunteering for publications through connections she made on Facebook. This gained her access to photographing concerts for artists such as Steve Lacy, Still Woozy, and Thundercat. Through gaining more press experience to go along with her growing portfolio, Caroline took a chance and applied for a media pass for Richmond Fashion Week. What she didn’t know was that photographing Richmond Fashion Week would open up opportunities she didn’t think would exist. Some of the images from that week ended up published in Richmond Magazine, and by connecting with some of the models, led her to other publishings and brand collaborations down the road.
Eventually, the work environment changed at Richmond Professional Lab and it became evident it was time to move on. So, Caroline returned to the place that had once turned her away: VCUarts, landing a part-time job as a digital content creator for the school’s Fine Arts department.
“I remember thinking, ‘You people denied me. And now I'm working on creating content for you,’” Caroline says. “So it felt unreal.”
Gaining access to the inner halls of VCUarts was crucial to Caroline accepting herself as an artist. She was once again meeting a wealth of other artists all over the community and was inspired by their messages and hard work. While many Richmond artists are very accepting and excited to connect with all who share their passion, the dirty little secret of Richmond is that its art scene can be very exclusive and tight-knit, thus discouraging artists without connections because of gatekeeping attitudes.
“There's a huge creative community in Richmond, but if you don't know anyone, it is very hard to break into,” Caroline says.
While at VCUarts, she had extra time to dedicate to expanding her experience by breaking into more corporate settings and doing a contract flying to other states to photograph a children’s dance competition.
She was the type of person to be easily consumed by her work because of her empathy towards the people she served. However, after enough times of feeling constricted by business-as-usual mindsets, a lack of appreciation, and still no health insurance, Caroline had enough. Halting the search for a different job, she began to commit to reaching her goal of expanding her photography business, with each experience feeding into the last. Her business rapidly grew from there into a successful stream of contacts and connections. Of course, it’s not all fun and games.
“A lot of photography business owners will say that you have to niche down so you can actually make money and it’s true,” Caroline says. “But I don't want to, because I want to try a lot of different things, and a lot of different opportunities come from that. I realized that what I really love is just creating and helping people out.”
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(PHOTOS courtesy of Caroline Frye)
On that cold January morning...
on the back patio of Lift Coffee Shop, Caroline recounts being told she “isn’t an artist” by her subordinate at Richmond Professional Lab. The young photographer, already seasoned by countless harsher engagements, takes a moment to breathe and collect her thoughts on what might be the single most difficult intrinsic hurdle an artist must clear.
“Probably one of the biggest things I've learned over the last three years is that underselling yourself as an artist is so huge,” Caroline says. “I would really undersell myself in order to get the experience, but I was okay with it. And when you're doing that so often, you start to think things like ‘Am I really just worth 150 bucks?’”
The resounding answer is “no.”
Given her past trials and tribulations with labels, Caroline’s greatest desire now is to continue collaborating with as many artists as she can, not only to grow her ideas and skills but also to inject encouragement and self-love into her industry and corner of the Richmond arts scene.
“I'm trying to do a little bit more concept work these days, so I just want to collaborate with some people and experience more VA artists,” Caroline says.
The mindset of needing a job title, degree, or accolade that says “artist” in order to be considered one is a toxic one to Caroline, “Especially when people that don't necessarily plan on pursuing art as a full-time job still have a lot to offer.”
Everybody must start somewhere. In the wise words of Jake the Dog from Adventure Time, “sucking at something is just the first step towards being sorta good at something.” For Caroline, that meant enduring a lot of testing experiences that stacked with each other to eventually reach heights she once did not think were realistic.
Today, Caroline runs a successful photography business while also taking on new experiences as a Multimedia Specialist for Yogasleep, editing photos and commercials, and even doing interior design for the studio sets. An overwhelming sense of love and excitement sits at the center of all her success. Indeed, the immense gratitude and love Caroline insists upon for herself, her work, her clients, and her fellow artists is a rising tide that lifts all boats.
During the interview with Caroline, she used the word “unravel” a total of three times. The story enveloping that word choice is perfectly apropos. Oftentimes, the journey to becoming an artist feels like having a mangled knot of Christmas lights that has to be painstakingly unraveled into a clear, straight thread. Each twist, pull, and loop-de-loop can feel like it has made no progress whatsoever, and sometimes even made things worse. But rarely is that truly the case, it just takes time and relentlessly believing in oneself to unravel the knot.
“A lot of these defining moments were kind of traumatic,” Caroline says. “But I think that you start to see the big picture eventually. I always feel like I'm running out of time, but you can't rush. And as much as I really wanted to rush, I needed all of these little baby steps. ”
So, how does one become comfortable with time’s gradual passage without being deterred by it?
“Fake it until you make it,” Caroline says. “If you truly believe in yourself and show yourself grace, the harder you work. And the harder you work, the luckier you get.”
Obviously, avoid burnout where possible too. For Caroline, “Setting boundaries has been a huge thing in this business.” That means maintaining mindfulness of her propensity towards perfectionism and people-pleasing. No longer is she creating art for reasons separate from the art being created. She is doing it because it makes her happy, fulfills her needs, and offers a route toward continuous self-improvement.
“It all starts with you,” Caroline says. “How you treat yourself is how you'll end up treating your business, your art, or whatever it is that you want to do.”
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To see more of Caroline's beautiful work, if you want to collaborate with her, or if you are looking to submit a services inquiry, follow her on Instagram and check out her website.
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